I will chase you until you show interest…And hence lies the greatest lesson.

Dating is weird. I experienced this a few times… A guy would be chasing me hard. Calling me, messaging me, checking in with me… When I show so-so interest, he is chasing me hard. And then, God forbid, I reciprocate… He goes “Woa …I am not ready. “

I am yet to understand why this happens. May be my thinking is utopian and idealistic but if two people like each other, is it so bad to show mutual liking?

I have never been someone who dates multiple people. But what came to my mind today is this: if I date multiple people, then I will not show reciprocation for a while. But somehow this idea seems unsettling to me. It is games.

May be all these people were wrong people.

I am yet to discover this…

Or may be, in that is the greatest lesson. May be the purpose if our life is to find something that’s greater than dating, something that we are so passionate about where it would not matter who called, who texted…

Feeling equal…

Several years ago, I experienced harassment at work. I am not going to go into details of what happened because the details of it are not the point. The point is that I was not able to stand up for myself. A great lesson was hidden in that experience.

I did not stand up for myself because I did not feel equal (as a human being) to the harasser who was above me, rank-wise. The situation was resolved by him getting fired and I learned a lesson that I need to stand up for myself. There was another part of this lesson – not feeling equal.

I also used to feel not equal next to men who are successful and good looking. I felt somehow they were better than me.

I sense this lesson keeps coming up.

I am not sure where I inherited this belief from that somehow I am a subpar human to others but now that this realization hit me, I feel so different. I now feel different energy around me.

It does not matter where I picked up this belief from. The point is – my worth as a human is equal to others. It does not matter if it is my boss, a date, a friend, a relative, etc.

Now that I have this realization, I will not let another thought slip by that somehow I am not equal and it is acceptable that I am treated less then.

I am very excited that this came up. I feel like today I got this phenomenal and amazing gift because I now know that my life will change in the most amazing ways.

Did I do something wrong?

Different empaths, have different dark sides. By dark sides, I mean the sides of them that really really torment them, hurt them and make their lives miserable.

For me, my dark side is always thinking I did something wrong. I play a team sport and there is a couple of women on my team who have a habit of pouting. They would just walk around sulking and to any question about what is going on, they just say they are ok but you can see they are not ok. Most people just ignore them. I, on the other hand, think I did something wrong. And it hurts me to constantly be in that feeling. If I message someone and they take a while to respond or their response is short, I also immediately think I did something wrong. I experienced that a lot during my childhood. I often saw my mom upset (her relationship with my dad was rocky) and every single time I saw her upset, I thought I did something wrong. In school, I was an absolutely a straight A student and I was on every dean’s list, award list, etc because I was afraid to upset parents and teachers.

It is a dark side that gives considerable anxiety and obsessive thoughts about what I possibly did wrong. It is certainly not healthy because it is affecting the quality of my life and I know many more empaths suffer from this. There has to be a way to figure it out, work on it to improve the quality of our lives. Empaths are such incredible humans and they deserve a much better feeling state day to day than always feeling like they did something wrong.

And another side here: even if we did something wrong, so what. We can apologize, learn from it and move on but not dwell on it. Easier sad than done but worth a good try. And if someone decides to walk around pouting without saying what’s wrong, it is on them.

Medieval times mentality in the area of dating

I am only in my mid-30s but here is something I find really outdated about my approach to dating. I was raised to believe that a man should be pursuing me hard and I should be keeping as aloof as possible. I grew up reading magazines and books about this, hearing it on TV, etc. I wonder if this is the right approach. What came to mind is that it is medieval thinking.

Some dates I have been on were left unsure whether I was into them. May be it is them.. or may be it is me and it is time to change my mentality. May be it is ok for me to say at the end of the date “I’d like to see you again”, “I look forward to seeing you again”, etc. And the thing is while they are wondering if I want to see them again, in my mind, I am screaming YES I SO WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

May be it is a part of being more secure and confident – the ability to say the above things, taking a risk it might not be reciprocated. And that’s ok – my value and worthiness does not change. May be it is time to let go of the outdated mentality because so far, it has not helped one bit.

In my previous post, I mentioned how to be successful at my job, I had to become a different person. I had to become more outspoken, more confident in my opinion, more sure that I am doing the right thing – essentially get rid of all aspects of doubting myself.

So, may be the same thing with dating, I have to change my thinking. I have to start feeling worthy to mention to a date that I would like to see him again. I am not sure anymore if being aloof is attractive. Sure, I like to be pursued but I also do not like it, in fact it really saddens me when I am so into someone and they cannot figure it out.

This seems to be the biggest lesson of my life – extraordinary opportunities are presented to me – THE TEST: do I feel worthy and deserving to accept them? And not be surprised that these opportunities are really for me.

I think the idea around women and worthiness/deservedness warrants a separate conversation. I often interview people at my job and most of the time, when a man walks into the interview room, he is very sure and confident even if his resume is so so. But with women, more often than not, they are more unsure of themselves even if their resume is beyond impressive. Time to change that, ladies!

I think if we have the air of confidence about us (not arrogance), the world around us will think there is something special about us that’s why we are so confident and that’s not a bad thing.

Curious to hear your opinions on how you approach dating and how you let someone know you like them.

Dreams do come true! Be ready!

We all wish for a certain type of job that would pay a certain amount of money, a certain partner, a certain whatever else… the question is “Are we ready for that?”

Few years ago, I met a man. He was everything I could ever dream about and infinitely more. More so, he really really liked me and pursued me for a long time. I turned him down(I can hear you thinking: “WTF?! WHY?!”). Why – because I thought why would someone like him, go out with someone like me. He was gorgeous, fit, successful, kind, etc. I made up every sort of excuse not to go out with him. Biggest regret of my life. And also the biggest lesson. A lesson I have been working on all this time.

And here is the lesson – what we wish for comes true, but are we ready to receive it… do we feel it is ours?

Shortly after, another thing happened. I was laid off from a job which was an ok job. A bit later, I got a call for a job with another company which offered the double of my old pay and many perks that I did not even dare to dream about. I ALMOST turned down that job because I thought why would they pay this much to someone like me?! Thank God, I accepted the job and I still work there and it is the best career move that ever happened to me. But also, in order for me to be successful in this job, I had to change: I had to become more confident, I had to learn to speak up (volume of my voice), I had to learn to express my opinion and actually believe that my opinion is valuable. For a while there, it was very weird to me that top executives were seeking out my opinion and my advice and actually acted on it. It was not weird to them, but it was weird to me. I am over it now and I am confident that my opinion has value. Getting to this point, was a ton of inner work.

Even writing this makes me want to say to myself: “Oh, for fuck’s sake?! What is wrong with you?!” (insert face palm emoji here)

I never suffered from the lack of opportunities. I think most of us have plenty of opportunities. The question is can we accept them and own them?!

And recently, I again met someone who is everything I could dream about and so much more. I rarely experience this feeling of “Wow. Are you real?!” and it happened. And again, I am bombarded by thoughts “am I good enough?!, why would he be interested in someone like me.” But, this time I am aware of these thoughts and I learned my lesson. I am ready and I am so freaking worthy and I accept this very generous gift from life.

And another thing.. this man, just like the other one years ago, will not accept someone who is insecure. A king deserves and wants a queen and not an insecure little girl which I am not ANYMORE. So, another side of this lesson – to partake in the new found life experience that I prayed about for so long, I have to become the person for whom being in this position is natural thing.

Let’s get this party started. No more unworthiness.

Cheers,

Lighten UP!

As an empath, I feel everything and everyone. As a result, I often feel heavy. I do not feel joyous, I do not feel playful or happy unless for a few seconds because I am constantly burdened by heavy emotions, most of which are not even mine.

Seems like most of my life, I have been trying to solve problems, mine and not mine (mostly not mine). And I forgot to celebrate life. And all the blessings that are coming my way.

Today, I got to spend some time with some cheery and chatty people. And I just felt a way a wave of joy wash over me and it felt so good. It felt SOOO good. The feeling of being carefree! I felt that for a short bit and it was so delicious.

I went home and for a little while, I was scrolling through Explore section on Instagram for travel. I was asking myself – what would it FEEL like to be on vacation, at this resort or that resort. What would it feel like to be in nature? What would it feel like to take a trip with my parents?! What would it FEEL like… And it felt so good to just let myself feel good, feel carefree.

I am rather successful at my work. Big part of why it is the case is because I am paranoid about doing something wrong and letting someone down. While it is hugely beneficial for my company because I am known as someone who can get stuff done, the flip side is that I am anxious most of them time. I am ALWAYS thinking what I need to do and then I do it and then I am thinking what else I need to do. There is no break. EVER.

While I do not want to be less successful, I will make it a point to LIGHTEN UP. I will let myself feel carefree for a bit here and there and just be light, just laugh and enjoy dinner, enjoy friends, a date, etc. There is no need to go into heavy stuff. There is time and place for that. I am going to start prioritizing joy!

Especially when it comes to dating.. A date should be light hearted and fun. I used to have a tendency to discuss pretty heavy stuff because I am an expert at it by now. I am not an expert however at being light hearted. But I will become one. I deserve it. My soul deserves to feel joy. It is ok to let go of the problems of the world for a bit and just be joyous!

I am learning another language and it made me think of this: I read a book on memorization that said to memorize words, we need to associate a word with a really ridiculous and funny image. It stays in memory that way. So, may be being more happy and looking for fun and funny things is good for you.. 🙂

Internet is not the real world (neither is the “real” world)

It is extraordinary how much our lives are tied up with internet. We shop online, we bank online, we connect with friends online and …we date online. The last one is especially concerning. Online world is not a real world however. It is kind of like that game that used to exist (still exists?!) “Second Life” or something. We pretend to be someone we are not. We take a billion pictures to put up on Instagram to show off how amazing our lives are, how perfect our make up is, cars, etc. How is it not like the Second Life game?! In that game, you could pick a character, clothes, friends, etc. That’s what we do online. We carve out an identity and try to live up to it through pictures. And often we are miserable and deeply unhappy behind these pictures.

Back to online dating…

In online dating, people forget that behind pictures are real people. People who long for connection, understanding, love, etc. They get faced with ghosting, catfishing and other things. They get sad and depressed over it. BUT … it is not real world. Online, people are quick to judge, to insult, to ignore because it does not seem like there is a real person there. There is just some collection of photos. Sure, in face to face interaction, people can also be rude but nothing like online. I will keep saying it: ONLINE IS NOT THE REAL WORLD.

But … somehow it brings up the worst in people.

I do not hate internet. Internet has so many benefits – I am not even going to list them because we all know them. But, we cannot get lazy. As an empath, it is very comfortable to be at home and not go out there. But there is a flip side – connecting with people who are in front of you is a very different experience. Feeling someone’s energy – good or bad is a very different experience than online. Especially if it is good energy – just amazing and so delicious! Again, ONLINE IS NOT THE REAL WORLD.

To go into the vibrational and energetic side of things, I think dating apps have very very low and dark energy for the sheer amount of lying and mistreatment that is happening there.

And again, ONLINE IS NOT THE REAL WORLD. Let’s get out there more and smell the fresh air and experience energies of life.

What if someone does not want to have kids…

Most of my adult life, people have been asking me if I want to have children. When I was in my early twenties, the answer was easy – “I am too young. May be later”. Now, in my mid thirties, I am more certain of the answer – I do not want to have children.

Typical reaction to this is “wow, what is wrong with you? Did something happen? ” Nothing happened… On the contrary – I love children too much to bring them to this planet. For me, a child is the most precious being I can imagine. I never understood why people had children when they were living through wars, poor economic conditions, abusive marriages, etc – how can you bring kids into this?

I was watching a fashion documentary the other day about fashion in 1900s. Apparently, it became fashionable to wear hats with taxidermied birds on top. This fashion stopped because the people killed off certain bird species for their hats and they were simply running out of birds. Seriously?! Fucking barbarians! Why would I want to bring kids to a place where we kill other beings to wear on top of our heads? I somewhat understand that people in freezing climates have to use animal fur to survive. But what kind of survival benefit does a hat provide?

I do not mean to judge anyone who does have kids.. it is my opinion expressed here. But I do judge people who killed birds for damn hats.

Another one…Earlier in the century, people were getting married very young – teenage years young. Why? Why would I bring a child to this if i lived at that time?

As an empath, I feel the pain of people (and joy too) and I feel the pain that kids go through. I feel the pain of kids when their parents are fighting and think that the kids are too young to understand what fighting is. What these parents do not understand is that a child is a psychic (any child). He/she does not need to know what a fight is. He/she can sense it and it is painful. Sure, physical punishments are painful but the pain of seeing your parents’ pain is incomprehensible and what’s worse is that he or she cannot do anything about it.

And how selfish is it to have kids to save a marriage from falling apart? Or to keep a man ?! NO. C’mon, we can do better than that!

I do not know if our society changes enough where we put compassion first and understanding of energy first – only in circumstances like this would I have kids.

Also, I think it should not be weird anymore that someone does not want to have kids. Not only, is it a personal choice but also having kids is an option, not a requirement.

Tuning in and Importance of Writing

We all have the ability to tune into the energy of anything: places, people, books, songs, etc. For me, I find it very important to write down when an especially amazing day or an event takes places or when I feel the most powerful because when I feel less powerful and tired, I can re-read that post, tune into the energy of that post and raise my own energy in the moment. It is quite an extraordinary thing and fascinates me to no end but it really works. I love tuning into the energy of the songs because I can feel the song writer’s mood…it is not even the words of the song but I can sense its energy and I love it. It is so interesting.

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